Blah Blah Blah

I get that everyone is entitled to their feelings, but I'm tired of mine being invalidated.  Do you know how long it finally took me to grow the balls to be able to finally realize I wanted out of my marriage?  It took me a long time because my feelings were always invalidated.  Everything is always my fault, and I'm the shitty parent, I'm bankrupting the family.  After a while, the constant blame starts to make you believe that everything is all your fault, that you are a shitty mother and that you are bankrupting the family.

I'm just so done, I can't do it anymore.  I'm getting a divorce because I matter... my feelings matter.

I plan on seeing a therapist to help me through everything... I've been so caught up on everything and anything, that I really haven't had time to deal with the underlying issue that is me.  How are my kids going to get along in life if I'm not the best mother that I can be?  I want and need to be happy again... I'm tired of putting on a fake front, it's too much.

I'm also going to meet with a financial planner to get my finances straight as well as working on building up my credit.  Eventually I would like to buy my own house for the kids and I to live in.

I'm packing up my life each and every day that I get home... I'm also purging a lot of stuff that I know I no longer need.  I hope to eventually be able to live the minimalist life; simple, quiet and quaint.  This divorce and move is helping me reach that goal, that's for sure.

Not much else is going on... just waiting for my parents to replace their carpet upstairs so that the kids and I can move it... I think we are all praying that that kids and I are out of there by the 1st.  Physically the kids and I will be out... might take a little longer for all of our crap to come along too.

Once the dust has settled, I'll work on getting the divorce moving, money is tight now that we are splitting households.

Everyone keeps telling me life will get better... in fact I tell myself that all the time, but I'm starting to wonder if it's even true... because as of right now, I don't feel that at all.